Still There?

Written on

June 18, 2019

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted.

It’s not that I haven’t wanted to post or that I didn’t have anything to say.

If I had posted it would have been forced or done out of some self-imposed obligation. I never wanted that to be the purpose behind this blog or why I write.

My unintentional hiatus has been filled with both the busiest and that laziest of days.

“May-cember” was jammed filled with 4 recitals, 2 academic awards ceremonies, 2 weddings, a few rehearsals and my niece’s high school graduation. Parties were attended and gifts were given. My planner was filled with what was happening when and list upon list of things to remember and to do.

The month ended with a much needed family vacation to Destin, a place we have retreated to before. It felt like home. With toes in the sand and sun soaking my skin, I rested and worshipped. I was in awe of my smallness beside the Gulf and of my God’s greatness, faithfulness and power.

I had taken my computer to the condo so I could blog in the early mornings before we hit the sand and surf or in the late nights after the laughter from the game night had subsided into the sweet sounds of my family sleeping. Inspiration was there, but the words to type never came.

We returned home to a much slower pace and I found myself delighted with the time to paint my nails, read a fiction book for fun and start the process of prepping my bedroom for a procrastinated painting project. Even with Vacation Bible School responsibilities, and lessons God was pressing on my heart – I just did not have the words to write.

Then last night, after some good food and good fellowship with some good friends, I came home and I could not, not write. I had to sort out all my thoughts and feelings despite the lateness of the hour. When my head finally hit the pillow, the damn had broken and I hope to post quite a bit more in the next few days.

Just as busy as May was and as slow as June has unfolded, I am reminded that like the waves at the beach there should be an ebb and flow to my days.

As Ecclesiastes says, there is a time for everything. There are days that should be productive where the checklist is completed and sleep comes with the satisfaction that progress was made. Then there are days that should only produce rest and that night sleep still can come because of faith that God is God over all the things I didn’t do that day. He is glorified in both.

There may be seasons of routine, structure and productivity, but there is great benefit for those times to be interrupted. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually there is profit for those days where we break from routine, from structure and we find a new definition of productivity.

Despite my plans and how I define my days – God like the constant, never-ending rhythm of the waves lapping the shore. He is faithful, providing countless graces to meet needs I never thank Him for. He is findable as I pray and search His Word, He is there. He is unfathomable in His immense greatness especially combined with His intimate involvement in my life.

I may not be as disciplined in my blogging and writing as I would like. But, it isn’t about me. He is the constant. He is the routine and the structure that produces His definition of productivity in and through me.

I haven’t failed by not posting in so long. Rather, I pray that in my silence on this site I have been obedient to Him. I hereby give myself permission NOT to live up to my own expectations of myself and this blog. I hereby give it back to Him.

(Just so you know, I know that I will have to give it back to Him again and again.)

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