I appreciate a good “If/then” statement. You know, “If x, then y.” I am sure all my math and science peeps have already caught on. There is reliability and dependability in knowing that “if” I do the specified thing, “then” I can count on the outcome being predictable and definite.

If I set my alarm clock faithfully, then it will alert me to my designated time each day.

If I follow the recipe directions carefully, then my baking will be successful every time.

If I do all the things the way I am supposed to, the “right” way, then I will always have the outcome I desire.

Even a child can easily learn the fallacies of that last one – Who’s to say, what I am supposed to do? Who’s to determine what the “right” way is? What about the outside forces, those outside of my control, that influence outcomes and keep my desires from coming true?

Yet in an effort to control my life I find I try my best to operate on this “if/then” system in every aspect of my life, pretending and supposing, often assuming that I am in control. I make lists so I don’t forget anything. I keep multiple planners at home and at work so I remember all the things. I make plans to ensure no things fall through the cracks and that there is a time for every thing.

And, I have found that I even attempt to do this with God. I confess I attempt to manipulate Him, to put Him in that preverbal box, and to dictate to Him what I believe He should do. If I follow His rules then He will bless me the way that I want Him to. If I raise my daughters in the church, then they will follow Him faithfully. If I give money to missions, then He will increase my finances. If I have my quiet time, read my Bible, serve the church, _____ (Fill In the Blank) __________, THEN God will answer all my prayers the way that I want Him to, my life will unfold how I want it to, my family/home/work/job will flourish just as expect that it should. Right?

If that is my motivation, my heart, my mode of operation, my way of approaching God, then He, from my vantage point, has ceased to be God. He is no longer the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob or the God of the New Testament apostles. I have formed my own useless, powerless idol. I have limited God and made Him nothing more than a god.

I am currently reading Ruth Chow Simons’ book, “Now and Not Yet,” and feel like this current chapter I’m reading could have been written expressly for this current chapter I’m living. As it “just-so-happens” to align with my daily Bible and devotional readings with my family’s current transitional season – I have been convicted, encouraged and reminded:

Convicted – I have put God in a box, trying to barter with Him. If I do this, then God, You have to do this in return. I have lessoned His capabilities, diminished His plans, and forgotten His character traits (His Goodness and His Faithfulness – just to name two). I have assumed that I know my best and tried to assume control over things I cannot control, exalting myself over Him.

Encouraged – I was literally made for this season, right here and right now. Psalm 139 and other passages plainly and repeated explain that my God knit me together, gifted me, and placed me for such a time as this. He orchestrates all things and has not left me. Simons cites a 2018 Yale study that shows that I am biologically wired to grow and learn and flourish in challenging circumstances. God did that on purpose too.

Reminded – I serve a God that cannot be lessoned and put into any kind of box. He is beyond my understanding and I am comforted that He is too much to explain. His character is without fault and He alone is powerful enough to be in control. It is this God who loves me, who has always been faithful and who promises to bless me with good things, immeasurably beyond what I could ask for or even imagine (Eph. 3:20), no matter what my current circumstances may be communicating.

I make lists, keep planners and cling to expectations of outcomes in a desire to manufacture stability and peace in my life by pursuing the false narrative that I might have some kind of actual control of what really is going on around me. If I am honest, I do this from a place of fear. I am scared of a million “what-ifs” that I cannot possibly prevent in all my attempts to plan for and/or predict the future.

Yesterday morning was crisp and clear. The leaves are nearly at the height of their fall foliage colors. I made way to a sweet church and participated in their first women’s conference. I worshipped. I prayed. I discussed. I listened – not just to the fantastic speakers and the sweet ladies at my small group table, but to God. I am still processing and praying through the focal passage, Psalm 34. (There may be another blog post to come!) But, I can say the theme verse is already showing me what I should be planning to do next.

“I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” ~Psalm 34:4

I will seek Him – not who I am trying to manipulate Him to be, but Who His word reveals Him to be. His character on His terms. His ways are higher, better, beyond my comprehension – so I know I can trust Him.

I will trust Him – He is faithful. He is good. He keeps His word. He fulfills His promises. He will answer me – and I know His answers are worth waiting for.

I will wait on Him – not being idle, but actively trusting, my faith displayed in my obedience in this day, this season, that He has strategically placed me in, to grow me and to glorify Him. In the waiting, I will worship, pray, and seek Him with anticipation.

Because I am seeking, waiting and trusting, I know I will be more sensitive to what He is revealing about Himself to me and His plans for me. I am not seeking, waiting and trusting on repeat to fulfill my own agenda – but to discover and walk in His.