I cut through the school library to take a short cut back to my classroom. Our librarian was there of course and we began to chat. I knew she had a graduating senior this year and I sought to encourage her as her oldest was closing one life phase and opening another. We talked about how our oldest children were no longer the little kids that they once were, and how – just as they were experiencing changes in life seasons, we were navigating new waters as parents. Even though I sought to encourage her that afternoon, she was the one who left me with wise words to ponder. She graciously listened to my ramblings, but she left me contemplating the fact our “big kids” are now in a “fluttering wing stage.”

My oldest turned 21 this past May. Yes, she is considered an adult by many standards, yet science tells us that her brain will still be developing until she is about 25. In so many ways she is mature and ready for “adulting” and in other ways – not so much.

Riley is an AMAZING student and has made us pretty proud with academic awards and consecutive semesters on the dean’s list. She is involved in her church near her campus and is continuing to mature by navigating her relationship with her roommate of the past two years. In fact the two of them signed a lease to share an apartment for their last year of undergrad school. Credit cards, renter’s insurance and utility contracts have been milestone markers of their current summer of transition.

Just this morning, I watched from the porch as Riley and her daddy left to move “the big things” from our home in Tennessee to her new home in Kentucky. He drove the U-haul – (Yes, the smaller one would have been plenty big enough for my husband’s masterful, Tetris, packing skills. But they didn’t have one available.) and she followed in her car. She and I will go back up to Lexington in a few weeks to finish unpacking and setting up her first place before the move becomes official when classes resume after Labor Day.

The summer has been full of shopping and packing and prepping for this transition. I have waited for her to do things and I have done things for her. I have “encouraged” her to do other things and I have helped her to do more things. I have learned that there are things she isn’t ready to do, things she doesn’t know how to do and things that simply, well, overwhelm/paralyze her.

I guess there are bird breeds out there that just push their young from the nest when it is time to fly. They built the nest, protected the eggs, and nurtured the hatchlings until it was time. Then they pushed them out into the real world, literally leaving them fly or fall, to thrive or fail.

Then there are other breeds that continue to protect and to teach their young as they flutter their wings and begin to fly. I picture a small, baby bird flapping their wings a bit, fluttering, barely off the ground with a “mommy” or “daddy” bird, nearby to show them how it’s done.

It is in this space, I have seen Mrs. O’Bryant’s wise words illustrated. Riley is in a “fluttering wings stage.” It is time. She is ready to leave the nest. She knows a lot about flying. She wants to spread her wings. She wants to fly – but . . . She doesn’t want to fall, but she wants the freedom, She doesn’t want to make ANY mistakes, but she wants to do it herself. She isn’t sure about her capabilities, but she knows she needs to try. She doesn’t mind asking for help, but she doesn’t know what exactly she needs help with to be able to ask. This stage is a lot.

I am honored and humbled to be able to walk with Riley through this stage. I have tried to be transparent with her. I have tried to communicate with her. I have tried to respect her by staying out of her way. I have tried to support her autonomy, while trying to motivate and focus her. It has been a daily, prayerful, apologetic process to say the least. This stage is a lot for me too.

All the while, this summer I have also helped my youngest daughter clean out her room. Being the youngest of three girls, her space has become the dumping ground of no-longer-wanted toys, no-longer-worn clothes and no-longer-needed items. Four bags of trash and two trips to Goodwill later, her closet and room have definitely become much more hers. Eliza at 10 is not in the “fluttering wings stage.” Parenting her, (even though we’ve done the preteen years twice before) is still a humbling and sanctifying space. Yet, as I packed away keepsakes and donated remnants of stages ended (ballet, tap, soccer), I am reminded that all these parenting stages do eventually end – including the “fluttering wing stage.”

Each stage has its own unique positive takeaways to rejoice over and negative pitfalls to (hopefully) avoid. As we continue to navigate this one, I am choosing to focus on how God is growing both Riley and me. He is showing us the beautiful complexities of a transitioning mother/daughter relationship. He is strengthening our faith in Him as we figure out how to manage this literal new space (her apartment) and this figurative stage of letting go. He is continuing to show His faithfulness to both of us as Riley “flutters her wings” and I learn to let her leap.

I am thankful God has not called me to let her go all at once and just push her out of the house with a “Good Luck.” He has allowed her daddy and I to continue to grow and to guide her as He has and continues to sanctify us. I trust as I pray that He will give us as parents the discernment we need to know when to speak up, to know what to say and to know how to stay silent too.

Just as God freely gives us His Spirit to help us fulfill all He has called us to do, He is allowing us as her parents to fulfill that roll in some ways for her as well. We aren’t her Holy Spirit, but we do have a role to fulfill as we continue to disciple our daughter and point her the directions that will enable her to become the soaring, feathered-follower of His own making. His plans for her are higher and better than ours and hers combined.

This “fluttering wing stage” isn’t easy, but it is good. It is rewarding. I am so proud of Riley. I love seeing what God is doing in her life. I can’t wait to see how He will continue to use her and work through her. AND, I am growing also. This stage isn’t all about her after all, in many ways my faith is still in a “fluttering wing stage” too. God is still teaching me a thing or two about following Him in all my ways and letting Him make my paths straight.