The tall, scrub-wearing doctor walked purposefully into the recovery area where I was waiting for my husband to be brought back to me. By one of God’s many graces that day, the 45ish minutes since I had watched him be wheeled away from me had gone by quickly. Then, I choked back tears. Now, I was struggling to wrap my mind around the words this experienced cardiologist was telling me. “No blockage. . . went well . . . home shortly . . . just a little bridge. . .”

The doctor left as swiftly as he had come. Then questions flooded my thoughts – of course after he was gone. Google pointed me into a direction, but I needed more. I heard Wally’s voice before I saw him and I felt a smile spread across my face. My husband wasn’t going to be alright, he WAS alright. As they settled Wally in to recover from his Heart Cath, I asked the two nurses my questions and learned Wally’s “bridge” had likely been there since birth. It’s a condition that is mostly undetected unless a test like this one was done. The slow blood flow detected in his stress test was completely “normal” for Wally and his healthy heart.

This was the best possible outcome. This was what we wanted. This was what I didn’t have enough faith to pray for.

What if God didn’t answer my prayer for this outcome? Would it have been a sin? Is this a clear sign of the weakness of my faith? Is it sinful that it never even occurred to me for pray for this finding? What does all of this say of my faith?

As the sweetness of his news slowly sunk in, I did not feel the sting of conviction for any kind of lack of faith. After all, faith in itself is a grace, a gift. It isn’t anything that I muster up on my own. I don’t put on faith or profess having faith in order to obtain a right understanding or somehow manipulate God into an outcome of my choosing. Faith doesn’t work like that. Instead, all I felt was gratitude and praise.

I had spent the week leading up to Wally’s procedure praying. I prayed for peace for Wally, for me, for our three daughters. I prayed for wisdom for the health professionals that would be administering this “routine” test. I prayed for God’s presence, remembering His promises of His presence and provision. And while I didn’t pray that Wally would leave the hospital on Thursday with a pretty, clean bill of health, God did immeasurably more than I had asked and even imagined. As I battled all the “what if” thoughts, my faith grew. He had grown it.

Had the outcome been different, I know God would still have been good. He would have still stayed beside each of us inside that hospital, helping us face whatever news that doctor would have had to shared with us. I know this because of the faith that He had given me before going into the hospital that morning. As I prayed and sought my God, my faith had been readied. He had done it.

The journey of this week caused me to face some of my deepest of fears. At times, I openly cried out to Him. At other times, I wiped escaped tears as I confided in friends. All the times, I kept seeking Him. I may have felt alone, but He had given me the faith to know that I wasn’t alone. I was with Him. As I transparently sought Him, My faith had been strengthened. He had provided it.

No, it is not a sin to have fears and feel a lack of faith. It is in those places, God grows our faith. I am reminded of the father in Mark 9, who comes to Jesus seeking healing for his child. He pleads with Jesus, asking Him, “If you can heal…” Jesus lovingly, not accusingly questions the man’s lack of faith. The man’s heartfelt confession back to Jesus has become my plea as well, “I believe! Help my unbelief!” It is in this tension between faith and fear, belief and unbelief that God enters in and gently reveals Himself to us, proving once again He is all we need.

No, God didn’t have to answer our prayers this week this way, but He did. All week long He showed up over and over again to each of us. The new friend in the waiting room, the strengthening prayers of our friends and family, the ministry of His Spirit as we waited through the delay in the commencement of the test – were all tangible ways that God revealed Himself to us. He has proven once again to us that we can trust Him.

There are plenty of things we still have to pray about, plenty of situations where we need to press into Him and plenty of circumstances where we find ourselves waiting for Him. Yet, because He has been so faithful to us this week, we know we can trust Him to keep us faithful to Him as well.

This is how faith works.

Praise Him.